Unlearning goes from thought patterns to habits. Recently I have been unsettled, not because life is unsettling but because I have been trying to reorganise and be in control so the future feels safe. This only led to more confusion and restlessness. I have not been trusting life to take care of me.
Anything unfamiliar to what I define as good and desirable sends me to panic, what I was not aware of is, my definition of goodness has been very limited.
Outgrowing a certain dimension or mental state could be liberating, moving you in a new state of thought and seeing, and allowing in new experiences.
Well, these new experiences outlive their newness and the excitement fades. It becomes an everyday reality, but do I maintain it exactly how I maintained the old?
Old habits recycle old thought patterns. And old habits may deny you the change you want to see in your life.
Healing needs maintainance, until healing, just like depression, and other mental illnesses, feel like a layer to my being.
The ways you learnt to survive may not be the ways you need to thrive.
After feeling helpless for years, a very high alertness grew in me. I gained a need to be cautious of any situation that may push me back in a horrible mind state. Perhaps i needed that alertness to know what needs healing .
I am learning, being connected can’t be dealt with how isolation is dealt with. We quench thirst with water and hunger with food, one never works in place of the other.